PRELUDE
It is written that God allowed Moses to travel forward in time to see what would become of the Torah (Menachot 29b).
Somewhere in the first century, C.E., God delivered Moses to the back of Rabbi Akiva’s classroom. Akiva taught lessons found, not just within the words, but even within the letters of the Torah.
Moses didn’t get it.
Why was that?
The Potzker taught that Moses, while being a true servant of God, failed to learn to laugh with God about the absurdity of the human condition. Akiva, on the other hand, could see the humour in it all.
Death? Akiva laughed at the miserable end that befell his teacher Eliezer. Akiva’s attitude: why take your baggage of suffering with you to the next level when you can leave it behind in this life?
Destruction? A fox emerged from the belly of the remnants of the Holy of Holies, and a laugh emerged from the belly of Akiva.
Seduction? When the beautiful Rufina attempted to entice Rabbi Akiva with the temptations of her body, he laughed at the fact that she would instead be seduced by the body of Jewish wisdom brought down by Moses himself.
Moses did not get any of it.
The Potzker thought that he understood why.
An afterlife, a messiah, a third Temple, these ideas were all foreign to Moses’ way of thinking, at least as far as the Potzker could tell through projecting himself into the mind of that great prophet.
Like Moses, the Potzker was somewhat confused by the place Akiva and his teachings found within Jewish tradition. Nevertheless, the Potzker felt that he had found a kindred spirit in Akiva in that they both loved to laugh with God.
Another thing that the Potzker did appreciate about Akiva was his spirit of optimism.
The Potzker taught that one day, Akiva passed the former site of the Temple in Jerusalem with some learned colleagues. All except for Akiva were moved to sadness by being reminded of the destruction of the Temple, while Akiva laughed harder than her ever did when presented with this scene.
They asked: “How can you laugh when a statue of Jupiter stands where we once had the Holy of Holies?”
Akiva replied: “Time travel is not just for Moses.”
Puzzled, they asked for elaboration.
Responded Akiva: “Sometimes the end is the beginning. While Jupiter stands today in Jerusalem, one day the star of David will sit on Mars, moved there by the Spirit.”
His colleagues remained puzzled.
While this story is not found in the Talmud, the Potzker taught that this parable was part of the oral Torah given to Moses at Sinai.
If you don’t “get it,” you are invited to meditate on this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_extraterrestrial_memorials#/media/File:MER_STS-107_Memorial.JPG
The Potzker was fascinated by the process of “getting it.”
Moses did not “get” Akiva’s lessons.
24000 of Akiva’s students did not “get” Akiva’s lessons.
Even Akiva did not “get” the essence of his teaching until his dying breath.
And within these examples, the Potzker thought he “got it.”
He taught: “Learn from your past and the past of others, because you might not “get it” on your own until it is too late for you to do anything with “it”, other than to teach “it” to others for them to digest.”
He taught: “Life is about information transfer. Pass it on.”
He suspected that Moses would understand this lesson. And so would Akiva. Because he learned this lesson from the both of them.
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And now, on with another classic Potzker tale to digest during the upcoming Yom Kippur 5772:
Lip Service: A Noirish Midrash
Once upon a time, about 100 years after the crucifixion of Jesus, four jazz musicians were practicing their craft in a cave in the darkness that was Roman occupied Judea.
The four were a cappella masters, refining the tunes that their leader Akiva had learned from his teacher, the fiery and temperamental Eliezer, who had refined his chops at the foot of his teacher, Yohanan of Yavneh.
Niggun jazz, as it was known at the time, was quite different in format from what we call jazz today. Rooted in the thunder and lightning of Sinai, these jazz masters studied and lived all of the songs of their culture, fusing them with the rhythm that they found within the blues that emanated from their people after the destruction of Herod’s Temple in Jerusalem. The stories and the laws that constituted jazz’s musical core were combined and rearranged in a way that made the people groove and move. However, the people also groaned and moaned, for the cruel oppression of the Roman occupiers had become too much to bear. The common folk looked to the four musicians for a sense that salvation from their troubles was on the horizon, but all the musicians could do was incorporate those grumblings into their music.
During one practice session, Akiva, known by his nickname “Head” (because his command of the Torah was considered by all to be head and shoulders above the rest), interrupted to propose an idea to the other group members. These were Elisha (known as “ The Other,” as in other head, because, if Akiva wasn’t around, he would be known as “Head”), Shimon the Wise and Shimon the Quiet.
“We need a name for our group. Any ideas?” asked Akiva.
“How about The Four Heads?” responded Elisha with an air of egalitarian mischief.
Shimon the Wise, ever the peacemaker, tried to steer the discussion to a nonpersonal level.
“Great idea, but better to reduce it to something catchy, maybe even one word. How about Quadriceps?”
Shimon the Quiet responded with a smile large enough to win over the room. He got the joke. He could taste the bitter sweetness in the irony of naming themselves in the language of their oppressors with what the people were demanding from their leadership: muscle.
The lightness of the mood was quickly shattered with Akiva’s next suggestion.
“OK, Quadriceps, I have a gig for us to play. How about being the first quartet to play Pardes?”
“Pardes? You mean the Garden of Eden? Paradise? Have you lost your head, Akiva?” responded Elisha mischievously.
“Absolutely serious,” responded Akiva. “Let’s face it, the times are miserable. And even though I know that this too shall pass, and that it is all for the better, the people are clamoring for an end to their suffering and are turning to us for hope. It is as if they know our secret….”
Shimon the Quiet spoke. “It is time.”
Actually, it was about time. Time travel. The four had, as a group, convinced themselves that they had the ability to crack the code of time and use that knowledge to change history. Although the journey would be dangerous, they had discussed how far back they could go and concluded that the Garden of Eden was a possibility. After all, they thought, why clamor for a messiah to save the world when they had the power to reset the clock and eliminate the need for a savior?
It was doable, they agreed. They were the best and the brightest of their generation. As explorers, they had the right stuff: spiritually, physically, mentally and botanically. The botanical part was the weak link. Shimon the Quiet was an expert in this field, having conducted numerous experiments on himself over the years, searching for the right combination of nature’s gifts that could take the four adventurers to the level of consciousness required for their journey When he said that the time was right, the others assumed that it meant that he had found the right formula. Shimon the Wise was suspicious, but kept his reservations to himself.
The date with destiny arrived. The four prepared to blast off to Paradise, ready to take the small steps that would lead to a giant leap for mankind. They washed down the special cakes that Shimon the Quiet had prepared with liters of water, bringing them to the edge of water intoxication. Then, with eyes closed, they began chanting. First, in a minimally audible murmur that barely disturbed the prerequisite absolute silence, eventually peaking in a harmony that enveloped the entire universe. Was it moments, hours or days that had passed? None was sure, but Akiva signaled that it was time to open their eyes. As they did, four lifetimes of preparation allowed them to instantaneously reach the same conclusion: they had not pushed the envelope far enough. This was not their intended destination of Genesis 3:6. This was Genesis 6:6. The Garden of Eden was devoid of any other human presence, and the presence of The Presence shook them to the core.
A still quiet voice murmured in the distance.
As the four adventurers approached closer to the source, the sound became more distinguishable.
By the time they reached the marble columns at the portal to the chamber from which the sounds emanated, the words became unmistakably clear.
“Water, water.”
At that moment, God was deliberating whether to destroy his creation with the very substance that brought it to life.
“Water, water. Yes, a flood to wash away the creatures that spill their fellow’s blood onto the holy earth from which they came.” God sighed.
“Water, water.” Life, death. Hope, despair. All emanating from the same source.
God remembered the moment he came up with the idea. A planet based on water, a holy trinity of simple molecules that could lead to a form of fleshy life worthy of being created in his image. In the beginning, somewhere in the beginning, this seemed like such a beautiful idea. Now, God wept daily, a victim of the creative process that he had created.
The eyes of the mystical repairmen met each other in horror as they collectively appreciated their miscalculation. Akiva assessed the situation and quickly averted his eyes, fearing the consequences of potentially looking at God face to face. His eyes were drawn to a puddle of God’s tears in which he saw the reflection of his comrades who were, like breastfeeding infants, locking eyes with their Creator. Suddenly the Quiet One died in terror. Then, he saw the Wise One succumb to madness. He watched in disbelief as the belief system of The Other was uprooted, and sadly observed as The Other fled the scene. The dream team Akiva had assembled was no more, leaving him alone and in shock with The One.
Both God and Akiva smelled the stench that comes from pure intentions gone bad.
“Come closer Akiva. I am Disappointment”
Akiva was somewhat confused but responded as quickly and honestly as he could.
“I am disappointed as well, Master of The Universe, and have no excuse…”
God interrupted.
“Pay attention Akiva! Shema! I did not say I am disappointed. I said that I am Disappointment. I have just revealed to you my penultimate attribute. I expected that you would understand. Now I am both disappointed and Disappointment.”
Akiva was not sure how to respond. Surely if God was revealing himself to Akiva, He could have made it clearer that revelation was occurring. At least Moses had a burning bush to clue him in. All he had before him was a dead colleague, one who was running around madly and the memory of the one who had completely vanished. And then, the epiphany: despite the enormity of the disaster unfolding before his eyes, God was with him in his disappointment, because God was Disappointment. Not truth. Not justice. Not love or freedom or any other trait that his comrades attributed to God. A lifetime of illusions crumbled in the chaos that was playing out before him.
“I see,” muttered Akiva.
“It is not about seeing. It is not about hearing. It is about understanding, so shema, pay attention, in order to more fully understand the past, the present and the future, for I am the Time you cannot control, but in which you travel.”
God sighed a sigh that rattled Akiva’s sensory homunculus.
“Generation after generation, from the episode where Cain activated the thirst of the earth for blood, to this very day, I got severe blowback from the angels on a regular basis about what was going on. They encouraged me to restore order to the universe by eliminating the human and sang songs to that effect day and night, an endless earworm that created such a buzz that I couldn’t think straight. Of all of the angels, Satan sang the loudest, proclaiming his love for me and his desire to quickly release me from the pain of my creation. Satan eventually convinced me to end my human experiment and wash away the corruption that is mankind. I was about to set that in motion, when you came along and interrupted.”
Akiva was overwhelmed. Obviously, the world was not destroyed, otherwise there would not be an Akiva. He was not sure what to say or do, as any intervention on his part would change the entire course of history, but he did not have time to create a well-developed strategy. On the other hand, the destruction appeared imminent, as he overheard the angels gleefully singing songs of delight to that effect. The angels seemed too happy for comfort. Akiva made his move.
“Lord almighty, how can you ignore Noah?” asked Akiva.
“Who?” replied God.
“Noah, the most righteous man on the planet,” replied Akiva.
Akiva’s endorsement of Noah’s righteousness opened God’s eyes to His own compassion, and the tears stopped. God saw clearly that there was still potential in his human creation, and He put his discussion with Akiva on hold, leaving Akiva in silence to grasp the implications of his intervention.
Many months passed, until the silence was broken by the song in God’s voice.
“Akiva, you are invited to a birthday party. Come let us celebrate the rebirth of my creative vision. Look to the sky, Akiva.”
The spectacle of colors was overwhelming. Never in the history of the planet had there been a rainbow as long, as wide and as vibrant as what was before Akiva on that day.
“As you are my witness Akiva, I have made this day a pact with myself. Never again will I use water to express my disappointment in man. These colors that emanate from combining water and sunshine shall serve as an eternal reminder of this pledge.”
Akiva was pleased with himself, but was not sure what to make of this turn of events. Did he just save the world? Could he ever go back to his former life? Was there a former life? Where was Akiva in time?
Suddenly Satan appeared and startled Akiva. God was not surprised.
“ Master of the Universe, allow me to show this earthling named Akiva the consequences of his intervention in heavenly matters.”
God granted Satan his wish
Satan directed his attention to Akiva.
“Time traveler, you know from whence you came. In the thousands of years since the covenant of the rainbow, had the human animal collectively allowed God into its heart as one?”
Akiva responded with silence. Satan continued.
“Obviously not. Time traveler, do you fully believe in the coming of such a time, which I believe you refer to as the messianic age?”
Akiva jumped at the opportunity to respond.
“With all my heart, all my soul and all my strength. Even if it is delayed, I will wait.”
Satan laughed.
“No need to wait, time traveler. Let me take you on a journey through time. No need to go too far ahead. Let us look at the rivers of Jewish blood that will flow when your friend Bar Kochba lifts his sword.”
Akiva saw and wept. And then he laughed.
“The day of redemption will come, as it is written in scripture.”
Satan laughed too.
“Time traveler, can you wait 1000 years? 2000 years? How long, oh puny brained mortal?”
Satan proceeded to show Akiva two millennia of the calamities that befell the Jewish people since Akiva’s birth.
“Do you, Akiva, take pleasure in God’s suffering?” asked Satan.
God interrupted.
“ What can I do Akiva? Satan loves me, and out of that love he cannot stand seeing me in pain because of my creation. Since I have now pledged to not destroy mankind, his plan is to motivate mankind to destroy itself and end my suffering.”
Akiva turned to God.
“Lord, I still believe in your original plan to allow mankind to reach its full potential, despite the bloody tour of time that Satan has presented to me. The tragedies I have witnessed today courtesy of Satan have touched me deeply. What man can witness such tragedy and not be moved to bring the world closer to your vision. I humbly propose that at midday on Yom Kippur, people be instructed to recall the horrors of what man can do to man, so that by nightfall, having sincerely meditated upon this, they will be ready to commit to ending your pain in a positive way.”
Satan smiled.
“Excellent idea, Akiva. I suggest that on Yom Kippur that people recall your death. Here, let me show you what that looks like. A little more time traveling for you, with the permission of the Lord.”
God allowed Satan to proceed. Akiva witnessed the entire scene, from the moment the steel combs of the Roman torturer entered his skin to the display of his shattered carcass at the local butcher shop.
Akiva turned to God.
“Master of the Universe, is that it?”
The Merciful One could bear no more.
“Satan, that was wonderful editing. Where were you when I wrote the book of Leviticus?”
God laughed, as God loves to do.
“Satan, show him the laughing part too.”
Akiva was puzzled and Satan was perturbed. God had called Satan’s bluff. Satan proceeded to show Akiva the moment before his execution, when Akiva was laughing and speaking to his students.
“Master how can you laugh at a time like this” cried his students in despair at their pending loss.
Akiva answered them.
“No need to seek comfort at this moment. All is according to plan. I finally have a chance to understand what it means to serve God with all of my heart, with all of my soul and with all of the strength of my muscles, from the tip of my temple to my quadriceps that will soon not be a part of me. Hear me now. Satan delights in reason and logic. He argues that it is irrational for good to prevail. As Jews, let us act irrationally. Love your neighbour as yourself. Proclaim this principle by action, not words. Blow the shofar on Rosh Hashana, for even though there is not one reason for doing so, the reason I love the most is because it bugs the hell out of Satan. Pay attention in order to hear within the sounds of the shofar God’s cries of disappointment about the imperfection of the world. Commit yourselves to not hearing them next year by repairing the world.”
Satan, having had enough of the earthling’s sugary optimism, humbly asked God to send Akiva back from whence he came.
Tradition tells us that a fully formed fetus knows everything it needs to know about the universe while still in the womb. At birth, upon seeing the light at the opening of the birth canal, legend has it that an angel comes and gently puts pressure on the baby’s upper lip, creating the philtrum or “Cupid’s bow.” By doing so, the angel scrambles that knowledge, and that person spends the rest of its short life trying to re-learn what it once already knew.
God, in appreciation of the re-birth of His vision of what humans could be, lovingly bopped Akiva in his philtrum and sent him back in time.
Akiva awoke alone in a dark cave in the darkness that was the Roman occupation of Judea. He refreshed himself with a splash of water to the face, and proceeded on his journey to anoint Bar Kochba as the messiah. Akiva had much to re-learn.
CODA
